Beta Male
by XbuttonsX
Summary: As Roxas tries to remember, Axel begs to forget.


**Beta Male**

Incase you get confused, the first-person is Axel's Other (who remained nameless because I don't wanna say which version I like best only to have someone go 'You know that Axel's Other's name is blahblahblah.' So, I stuck with the first-person so I didn't get scolded.) and he is basically reliving everything that happened to him in his Other's lifetime, so, it would be him, but it isn't. Just so you aren't confused. :D Even though that kinda confused me. Just read it. You'll firgure it out.

**Summary - **Axel is plagued by nightmares from a past life. All he hopes is that the pain would go away. And that Roxas can save him from the darkness that destoryed his Other.

**Disclaimer- **-rolls eyes- Don't own.

**Warnings -** rape, murder, boylove, swearing, alcohol, violence

**Pairing - **Doesn't really exsist that deeply, but, Akuroku.

-

It wasn't supposed to be this way. He wasn't supposed to be haunted like he was. What that fool did should have no affect on him! So why did it? Why was he tortured by the memories? They weren't even his to remember!

"Axel?"

"Rox?"

"Oh, you just ... nevermind. Are you sure you're okay? I'll be back soon, okay?"

"I'll probably be asleep, though. Do you have to go?" The redhead whined before flinching, hating how pathetic he sounded. Oh how it reminded him of the other. _His_ Other. That weakling that deserved far more than losing his heart to the dark.

"I'm sorry, Axel. Xemnas said it was an important mission; no opting out this time which has me pretty grumpy."

"Well, come back safe, please?"

"You sound like you actually care."

The blonde smirked at the redhead sprawled over their bed, hiding beneath the covers to keep away from the fact that his Roxas was leaving him for a few hours. Emerald orbs shone in the semi-light of the lamp beside the bed, their glow not being missed by the younger Nobody.

"Of course I care."

"You don't have a heart to care _with_."

A small look of hurt creased Axel's features before he began to nose his way under the blankets. "It sure as hell feels like it. I care when you're around. I dunno what it is, but something about you ..."

"We'll talk about it when I get back, okay? I don't feel like getting in trouble."

"I'll see you when I get up. I love you, my little Keybearer."

"Axel, you don't have a _heart_. You can't _love_ if you don't have a _heart_!"

"What would you know, Roxas? You still have somebody out there that lets you feel!"

"I'm not going to fight with you right now. I already told you I'm grumpy and you know that talking about that makes me even more mad!"

"All because I said I love you? Ugh, Roxas, just believe me, okay? There is something different about you. And I know I love it. I know how that feels."

"If you say so. I'm leaving now."

The redhead sighed, knowing he had lost the argument as the Nobody of his infatuation slipped quietly through the door, closing it without a sound. A sense of loss washed over the green-eyed man before he was filled with emptiness.

"You still have a way to be complete. Because of that, you can make other people feel complete too, Roxas. That's what I feel with you. Completion."

A small whimper escaped the Flurry of Dancing Flames, causing him to groan, gripping the blankets tightly before pulling them up over his chin. He wasn't supposed to be so goddamned weak! He wasn't supposed to be like his Other. He refused to be so cowardly.

He would not let that pathetic slave that knew every sort of pain ruin whatever so-called life he was racing through now. He wouldn't let that _wimp_ control him. He would prove to Roxas that he was capable of caring, loving, _being._ And he could only do that by forcing the memories away.

"God damnit, kid, I'm not gonna let you ruin me."

His Other was dead, long gone. Killed by the heartless that had created_ him_; Axel, number Eight of the Organization XIII and The Flurry of Dancing Flame.

With a sinking determination to rid himself of the memories, Axel slipped off to a nightmare-filled sleep.

--

I cower, hiding as best as I can behind the wagon, knowing full-well that it will be drawn away in a matter of minutes. But it doesn't matter. Any length of time to get away from those monsters has to be worth something. I know that I am just a lowly coward, but I don't know how much more of their torture I can take.

"Hey, did you see the kid? He's supposed to be cleaning the shit from the trailer."

A shudder runs over my body and I rake my hands through my vibrant, too-red spikes, trying to hide them. The Boss is calling, looking for me, but I can't answer him. If I do, he'll beat me. God, he'll beat me to an inch of my life.

My heart is hammering in my chest. I hiss at it to be quiet, to not let the enemy know where I am, but it refuses to listen and instead just beats all that much harder, faster, louder. I'm rocking now, hearing the footsteps as the driver of the wagon approaches.

"Sorry, sir, but, we must be off. We'll be back again next week."

"Wait, the boy didn't steal away in that blasted straw of yours, did he? Let me up there to check!"

The boss is yelling at the driver and I try to get to my feet, trying to get away before either knows where I am. My legs straighten, forcing me away from the wooden cart and the threats. Before I make it to safety, however; a burly man steps out in my path, gripping my shoulders as I slam into him.

"Where're you offta, Red? Boss's been lookin' for ya."

My dull green eyes go wide in horror, hoping that the leader wouldn't hear him. I struggle, crying out in pain as he runs his fingers through my flopping locks of crimson, pulling me so as to not allow me to get to my safety.

"Let go! Please, please, let go! I have to go! Please! Don't let him get me!"

Again I cry out as he slams me against the building he had appeared from behind. He holds me up by my hair, causing a scream of pain to pass my lips. I know the boss has figured out where I am, so tears form in my eyes. I don't want to go back, I can't!

But I can't fight anymore. I fall limp in the elder man's grasp, crumbling as he lets me go. "Found 'im, Boss. Tryin' to get away, 'e was. I didn't let 'im, though, Boss! I didn't let 'im leave! Ain't ya proud o' me, Boss?" Boss doesn't answer the eager worker that had trapped me. Instead, he growls, lacing his own fingers through my hair and lifting me to my feet.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Please, don't hurt me! Please!"

"Save it, you disrespectful brat. This is how you repay me after all this time?"

"It won't happen again, I swear! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Please, no!"

I scream bloody murder as he begins to drag me away. The tears are streaming down my cheeks and I know. Oh, I know. He is going to hurt me and maybe even kill me. He can't! No! I won't die!

But I can't do anything! He's got me with just one hand and I can't do a single thing to stop him. He'll kill me and there is not a single thing I can do about it.

"Please! I'm sorry!"

"Save your breath, boy. You'll need it when you're screaming for your life."

"No! _No!_ Please, I'm begging you!"

"Stop being such a child and take your punishment as the man you should be!"

I scream louder as he forces me through the door into his lodgings. I feel myself hit the ground, shaking and sobbing like it would do something to help me. But I'm alone and no one but he can hear my cries for help. Although, even if someone else could hear me, they wouldn't be able to help. They wouldn't be brave enough to stand up to such a villainous creature. But not everyone is as cowardly as I. Maybe that's why no one comes to save me as he advances on me, striking me hard, causing another scream to rip out of my throat and I try my damndest to scurry away from him, but to no avail. His cold, brown eyes bore into me as his fist connects with the sensitive flesh on my cheek.

"You are such a foolish child. You will never be able to escape from here. This is your _home_."

No, he is wrong. This isn't my home. This is a place I was sold into. This little encampment is not home. Home is where people love you, take care of you, where you feel _safe_. No one loves me, I have to take care of myself, and I sure as hell don't feel safe. Again, pain rocks over my body, causing more and more echoing screams to erupt from my mouth.

"If you don't stifle those screams, I will be forced to silence you."

Not even his threat can hold my screeches back.

--

I want to die. There is no reason left to living. I'm so filled with hate and rage towards the man that claims to be my savior that it is burning at my heart. I can feel my blood pumping through my veins; red-hot, scalding. Even as I'm sweeping up after the mess the workers made in the lunchroom, I shake until the broom is nearly slipping from my clenched fingers. I know he's there, watching me. He's always watching me. It sends a shock of pain over my bruised body.

"Hey, kid, missed a spot!" One pompous worker sneers, having been in the bathroom at the far end of the lunch hall while the rest of the crew has headed out, already beginning the work for the day. I cower as he saunters by, all muscle and brawn, not a single speck of brain in his head. But he knows I'm afraid of him so he claps me on the back, almost forcing my frail body down to the ground. "You gotta toughen up, kid. Gotta toughen up to survive in this world."

The words stick to me like glue.

--

"_Hey_, Bossman! Whadduya say we gets that lil' pipsqueak and make 'im dance? Hows'about we do that, Bossman?" a muscle-bound clone asks in a drunken voice, swaying slightly while the other muscle-bound clones laugh with as much alcohol in their hoots as the speaker. The Boss glares at the man for a moment in the amber glow of candlelight in the bar before his gaze wanders over to me, a child tethered to a supporting post like a dog. A scrawny, underfed, good-for-nothing mutt that deserves to be taken out back and shot. I flinch away from his hungry eyes, seeing the malice before I can help it. My dull-green orbs clamp shut as I feel all of their stares fall upon me.

"Yeah, make the lil' thing dance!"

"Yeah, yeah!"

The chorus of agreement gathers in intensity, almost enough to gain the attention of the waitresses as they dash about getting orders for already-too-intoxicated customers. Finally the Boss places his glass on the table in front of himself, puffing on the cigar clamped in his teeth that has the place smelling rank. He stands and moves over to me, forcing me to look at him. I whimper, wanting desperately to move away from his touch. As I had predicted, his other hand shoots out, slapping me hard across the cheek. I cry out, tears forming on the edge of my eyes.

"N-No more. Please, no more."

"The boys request you to dance for us, boy. You will do so or I will punish you. You don't want that, now, do you, boy?"

I shake my head fiercely, knowing he would hold true to his threat without a second thought. "N-No sir."

"Then you will dance for them?"

"Y-Yessir."

"You will not disobey me?"

"No sir."

I cringe away from the unintentional brushes, feeling sick to my stomach. The Boss rids me of my bonds, but first wraps a slim leather collar around my throat, attaching it to one of the ropes that had just held me against the pole. It is in that way that he leads me to the table with the loud drunks. I cower when one reaches out and grips my wrist, hauling me close.

"Is you a chick or a dick?" He slurs, pulling my slim face close to his unshaven one. I begin to squirm away from him, but the feel of a hand on my shoulder stops me cold. The Boss leans down, hissing in my ear.

"They are allowed to do with you what they will. You aren't allowed to stop them or protest against them. Just bend to their every will and I won't have to hurt you."

"B-But .." I whimper, still trying to pull away from the large elder men. I was only fifteen. Broken, only a child. I bend to their every willl because, if I don't, I will die.

"No buts. Just do."

Another whimper before I allow myself to be pulled around the table, each man taking a deep look at the child they tormented every day. Finally, the clone that had first asked me to dance for them speaks up. "I wanna see some dancin'. What d'you fellers say?"

"Dance, dance!"

"Put a dress on the little bastard. I ain't no faggot that gets his rocks off on watchin' a lil' boy struttin' his stuff. Put a dress on 'im. 'E'd look enough like a chick."

I flinch as my arm gets gripped in a vice and the first man pulls me close to him, turning in his chair as he does so. "Hey, missie! Yeah, you! Hey, sweet thang. How's about you lets us borrow that fancy dress you've got on there? Wes could let ya wear this kid's trashy rags."

One of the waitresses approaches, but gains an insulted expression as the clone's words hit her. She's already at our table and not aware of the danger she is in. I try to warn her, begging her with my eyes, but she has no interest in what such a mess would have to say. Lacing on a large smile, she just looks at the group of workers, all twelve of them with the same suntanned skin, wrinkled eyes and arms exploding in rippled muscles.

"Oh, you're the one in charge of building that new place over on Tenth Street, right?" she asked, spotting the Boss still hiding in his cloud of retched smoke. He returns the warm smile, all just a grand show to grab her trust.

"Why yes, that would be my crew and I."

"And him? He doesn't look to be much of a help with all those giant steel beams!" she exclaims, finally looking at me for the first time. But it is too late. She's already been ensnared in their trap. Tears are leaking down my cheeks as I picture her freedom slipping away like grains of sand in an hourglass. I struggle in the arms of the man still holding me tight, but the Boss hauls on the rope he still has laced in his fingers, pulling me from the clone, only to collapse at his feet, partly hidden from the woman's view by the table.

"He is ... nothing, really. He has no real purpose. But you ... Oh, you have something we could use."

I'm shaking at his feet, curling into a tight ball. The words slip from my mouth before I even hear them in my mind. "Run! Run, get out of here! Save yourse-" I get cut off by the Boss.

"Grab her."

She doesn't even have the time to scream before two of the men have her pinned, one gripping her mouth to keep her quiet, the other pulling her arms behind her. I hang my head, on my hands and knees, sobbing. The Boss doesn't even harm me, too enthralled with his soon-to-be new play toy than to bother with the likes of me. I wonder how no one else in the bar could realize the danger the struggling woman is in, but understand with a dull thud that they know. Oh, they know. There is just nothing they can do. She's screaming behind one of the clones' hands, thrashing out, panic-stricken.

"Time to go, boy. Pick yourself up from the floor. Show that you aren't some pathetic coward. Why don't you go try to save her, before they have their way with her?"

He knows I will do no such thing. Why should I put my life on the line in a worthless struggle to save a woman I have never even met? Why should I die for her stupidity?

Pulling on the rope, the Boss follows the men out of the bar with the woman still kicking and screaming in their tight embrace.

--

"There's no need for her anymore. Dispose of her. She broke all too fast. You still have some fight in you yet, boy. That is the only thing that is keeping you from being like that."

It is up to me to murder the waitress. As I struggle in pulling her down to the working area, she lolls in my grasp, eyes blinking slowly, confusedly. Mouth opening and closing lamely like a fish, she couldn't even force it to work.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

I watch the sparks from the furnace devour her, glad that, for one more day, it isn't me being forced into those flames.

--

Fire. It is something so mystical, beautiful, magical, devastating. The way it bends, dances, swirls and curls; the way it licks, eats, devours, destroys, ruins, devastates, vanquishes. There is just something so ... empowering about the element. Perhaps ... if there was a way that I could get fire on my side, I could get out of my hell and show that monster what is coming to him. Maybe ... I could be free.

And so, my fascination with fire began. That woman helped me to my freedom.

--

"Boy, come here."

"Y-Yes sir?"

"On your knees."

I did as I was told, kneeling at the Boss's feet, bowing my head lightly. Ever since the death of the waitress, I have found those brown eyes on me all the more. He's just waiting for me to screw up so he can send me off to be destroyed. We both know what he is planning, but I vow to never let him have his way. I'm changing. I'm not going to be dominated so easily anymore.

Cringing, I shudder as he puts a hand on my head, patting my red locks as though I were some dog. "You're becoming very obedient, boy. Have you finally realized that you are mine completely and totally?"

I take in a deep, shuddering breath. "I ... Yessir." There is no sense in arguing. I am. I am his obedient little hound that does his dirty work for him. He incapacitated that woman, but I was the one to kill her. I was the one to really eliminate her from existence. All because he told me to. It was my life or hers.

"Come here."

I tilt my head to the side, dull orbs lighting upon him in the flickering firelight. We're in the bedroom, he sitting in his chair and I his pet at his feet in front of the fireplace. The flames lick at the air, sending sparks and heat. I can't help but stare at them, but have to tear my eyes away when his fingers tighten in my hair.

"Come here," he repeats and I notice something ... different in his voice. A soft hint of seductive reassurance. Again, I follow orders, standing, moving ever-closer to the man that I despise. Having let go of my crimson spikes, his fingers now trail down over my clothed arms, down to my wrists. He pulls gently, causing my stomach to flip and tremors roll over my entire body. The last thing I want at the moment - at any moment - is to have his touch lingering on my body. But when I don't do as he hints for me to do, he grips my wrists tighter, pulling my upper-body towards him. That is all I will allow to move.

"You've done this to yourself, boy. Stop resisting or it will hurt all that much more."

The venom in his tone causes my body to grow rigid. I don't want his breath dusting over me, his grip tightening on my wrists, his consciousness overwhelming my own. I try to fight, but only succeed in being thrown off balance. Losing my footing that isn't so set-in-stone in the first place, I topple, landing where the elder man had planned: right into his lap. I squirm once more until I find his arms pressed tight against my too-small body.

"Blame that woman. She changed me, boy. In the few hours I had with her, she changed me. And I can't bear it any longer. So I am going to take it out on you, boy. Do you know why?"

My mind is nothing but a blur as I try to release myself from the danger I am in. That woman? How did she change him? She was broken, faulty. No, she was fine. Until he broke her. He raped her, completely stripped her of everything she was worth and she was broken. And now he's planning on breaking me.

"No! No! Please, sir! Please, don't! No!"

Already I can feel his hands on me and I just want to die. When my back collides with the floor as he pushes me off of himself, I cry out in pain, tears of pure horror rolling down my cheeks.

"They were right, you know. Dress you up and no one would ever know the difference."

--

He did it. I'm broken. I'm bloody and broken and sprawled on the floor and all I can see are those goddamn _flames_. I can't keep my eyes open, but they refuse to close. I want to wash the image of the orange and red and yellow dancers out of my mind. They betrayed me. He was hurting me and they just watched, dancing and singing and _mocking_ me. Now, when my body stings, the dancers weep. They realize their wrongs and they weep. Low in the hearth, embers, barely more than a dull orange glow. And all I hear is his deep breathing. Fast asleep. Left me to gather the scattered pieces, trusting me to not saunter away in the middle of the night. Or maybe he doesn't care. Maybe he wants me to leave. Then he would have no secrets. He would have nothing to hide and he could find some other innocent to break.

A tightening in my chest and I feel like I am about to explode. All of my emotions are welling up and colliding and shattering my heart, eating away at it until it fades into nothingness. Even the lifeblood that is being pumped through my body is betraying me, pounding through my ears to cause an even worse headache, brushing through the cuts and scraps, causing crimson to pool out over me. I want to cry, to scream, to give up and _die_, but I can't. I can't just give up. It doesn't work that way.

He had said my name. It had been _years_ since I heard that word.

How I despised it.

I need to move. Even just a finger, to know that I am still alive, to know that I haven't just drifted into some bizarre hell where everything burns.

Fire.

A finger twitches, followed by another. I'm alive. At least now I know that much. Now I need to get up. I need to _leave_. I finally have the chance and now I _have_ to. I can't just lay here and _die._ I won't allow myself to.

Even though every fiber of my being yells at me to stay down, to disappear into the darkness, I lift first one arm, then the other, moving onto my stomach. Shakily, I force myself onto my hands and knees. I want to cry out with the pain but hold it back, knowing that if I make even a single noise, the Boss will be at my throat. Maybe he would do it all over again. Maybe he would break me and destroy me all over again. A small, breathy whimper leaves my lips and I clamp my eyes shut. _Please don't hear, please don't hear_, I beg, curling close to myself. There was a loud snort before the demon began to snore. I let out a sigh of relief before lifting my eyes to scan the room. I don't even know what I'm doing.

Something in the back of my mind tries to reason with me. _Why not just go get into your own bed and wait for morning to come? You're always saying how you don't want to die. If you try to leave and he catches you, he will not spare you, even if he does find you an interesting toy to play with._

No, I'm not going to die. I'm not going to run away. I'm not just going to go lay down as though nothing happened, though!

I spot the embers and smirk.

Fire.

I can escape and get away from the monster and never have to worry about getting hurt by him again. It takes me all of five minutes to get myself straightened up and able to find something that would be able to catch fire long enough for me to get it over to the sleeping man. Then, in the small glow, I spot the outline of my blanket still folded neatly on my too-small bed. How perfect. Kill him by one of my few possessions. I shudder, feeling the weight of what I'm about to do bearing down on my shoulders.

Quietly, without making a sound, I force my broken body over to my bed, gripping the blanket before bringing it back to the fire. I smirk, letting a corner catch on the glowing ember. As a flame begins to creep up the fabric, I quickly toss the lump onto the Boss's bed. He moans lightly, but doesn't wake. Still the blanket above smolders. I move over to the door to the back deck. From there, it is only a few feet and my battered body can rest for a little while. I wait until I see the licking flames eating away at my one possession. Before I can get the door open, he is awake. Screaming and flailing, he tries to rid himself of the death, but it is on him now.

--

I feel my bare feet against the grass, the Boss's screams still ringing in my ears. Eyes are on me but I feel no unease. My job is done. I'm free.

But the eyes watching me gather closer and I sense the rustling from the shadows. Shadows. It almost seems like the ground in front of me is moving. I blow it off as hallucinating from the relief of being free, the pain still flooding through my body, and march onward, unafraid of what is to come. Nothing can be worse than what I have gone through.

The ground is definitely writhing. It is the middle of the night, only the dim moonlight guiding my way down the street. Somewhere, a dog is barking, yelling at me to go where it is safe. But is it not safe here? Much safer than being back at the burning house with the burning residents. I see no danger. Except that eerie feeling of eyes.

Then they are there. The eyes. They peer at me out of the darkness. No. They _are_ darkness. A small, black creature, twitching about. I can tell it is twitching by the way the true darkness shifts on the street. A sense of dread now lodges itself in my chest. No. There is no small little creature there. That is impossible. Those giant, yellow, searching eyes belong only to my imagination. I've finally lost it.

I continue walking. The creature allows me to pass, shifting out of my way. I can tell it follows me. It wants something. I know it wants something, but I can't tell what.

"What do you _want_?! I'm free! Leave me alone!"

I ignore the pain before turning away from those pleading eyes. Are they eyes? They are just floating circles that could be anything.

As though my words confused it, those circles tilt with the head that they are attached to, quirking. I move farther down the road and it follows. I sigh and try my best to ignore it. There are no such things as spirits or aliens. But this _thing _most definitely could be one. _But you already said that you are just hallucinating, did you not?_ I nod to myself, smirking slightly.

"Okay, thing. Look. Light. Right there. I get to see what you really are right there." I point to a shaft of light drifting down to the ground out of a house's window. I wonder in passing whether the beast behind me knows what I said or even cared, but I don't bother to question it. Right now, I just need to get away before the fire trucks start whirring down the road. I step into the light, move forward a few paces and turn to see if the eyes follow me.

At first there is some hesitation, but those eyes move closer, coming out of the night and showing what the creature truly is. And it is just that. A creature. A blob with a large head, antennae, two legs and two arms. The antennas twitch down and it appears to clean them, quirking its head. Its black as midnight head. And then it starts sinking. It melts into the ground, but I can still see it there, eyes glowing bright in the night. It shuffles back out into the darkness before righting itself once more. Horror fills my body, never having seen such a thing before. But I try to force the knot of fear clenching in my stomach, succeeding slightly.

"You're kinda cute, aren't you? And you seem harmless enough."

But the innocent expression in those yellow eyes has vanished. Then there is another set and another until I am completely surrounded by pairs of yellow orbs. And none of those orbs seem to be innocent anymore. There is now a prominent look of greedy hunger biting at them. I've lost the original pair of golden orbs, but I don't care at the moment. Fear is starting to creep back into my body.

One lunges out of the darkness. It must have sent a message to the others because they all just sit and watch as it flies toward me. I cry out, unable to suppress my fear, unable to even move. The thing is huge, much more massive than the one that had been following me. But it was the same type of creature. Pure black shadow. Maybe I am not the actual target because as it flies towards me, it veers away at the last moment, only catching onto me with one of its three-fingered claws. But that was enough. Two of the "fingertips" dig in just below my eyes, ripping through my flesh. I scream as it throws me off balance, knocking me to the ground.

There is a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's all over now. My heart is beating fast as they begin to circle me in their twitchy fashion, jerking and hopping about. They seem so filled with lust. They want to rip me limb-from-limb and I can't do a thing to stop them. The first one lays a claw on me, but it doesn't feel like anything. Not cold, not warm, not living. Just a shadow. But it still wants something. My heart flutters and I feel the creature move its sharp claw over my bared back, drawing a thin line on my skin. It stops just above the fluttering organ before twitching back. It seems to jump enthusiastically, but it could just be part of its twitching disposition.

"No! Please. Leave me alone. Just leave me alone! I'm finally free! Don't take that away from me."

Whatever they want, I refuse to let them have it. There's a sharp pull in my chest and I cry out. It feels like my heart is trying to break free from my body. They begin to close in, scratching at my legs and arms and anything they can get their darkness on. One jumps onto my face, smothering me. I can vaguely see the orange glow of the fire through the darkness.

Struggling, I try to get the creatures off, but there is no use in trying. They are everywhere, pinning my already-broken body to the ground.

I can't do this anymore. The way they all pile on me - looking down on me - makes me sick. I can't breathe. I can't do a thing to stop them. Maybe it is this reason that my heart is drowning in darkness; too much fear; too much helplessness; too many broken hopes. Even the sight of those flames destroying everything that I have suffered can't bring the strength back into my body.

And so I become swallowed in the darkness.

--

Axel woke with a start, shaking, sweating, panting. Oh how he hated having those dreams, those memories eating at him. His other had been despicable. He never stood up for what he believed in until it was too late and it aggravated the redhead. That was why Axel forced himself to be brave and cocky and sarcastic and have a _shell_ so he couldn't be trampled on.

"Axel? Somethin' wrong?" A blonde little bombshell asked from the midst of his arms. Said blonde shifted up to face the elder Nobody. Axel hadn't even known Roxas had come back to him, safe and sound, happier, if not a little groggy.

"No, no, my little Roxy. Everything's fine." It didn't sound like it. His voice shook and his brow was lined with a thin bar of sweat.

"Are you sure?"

_No._ "Yes, I'm sure." _I can't ever let you know how weak I used to be Roxy. Even if you don't believe me, I love you. I love you so much and I would die if you thought bad of me. _Axel pressed a soft kiss into those messy blonde spikes to calm himself. He pulled the younger closer, breathing in his worn-out scent. It was obvious the younger was tired -perhaps even exhausted- from the mission.

"Hey, Axel?"

He had thought the blonde was going to go back to sleep so was slightly taken aback by the voice that made him whole. "Yeah?"

"Tell me about your Other. Everyone else remembers, so, tell me about him. You're so awesome, so, I wanna know what you used to be. Were you always so great?"

"I don't remember what he was like," Axel lied, clamping his teeth down on one of the haphazard spikes sticking in his face, glad that the sheild that the Keybearer had put up before the mission was gone without a trace.

"You don't?"

"Nope, and I don't care to find out."

"Really? But ... don't you feel sorta ... empty?"

Axel paused for a moment before pulling the blonde wrapped in his arms closer. _I don't feel empty, no. I have you. With you around, I feel whole. When you leave, I shatter. _He wanted so badly to tell the blonde, but held his tongue. He knew it would start an argument and he just wanted to sleep. "I would rather stick to what I am now. Who cares what I used to be? You have to think about what and who you are now. That's all others should care about too. If you go back with Sora, I'll feel emptier than ever. Just stay here, Roxas."

"Sora?"

"Just stay here, Roxas. I need you to make me feel whole."

There was no way he would let the Keybearer know what he had been. If Roxas knew ... well, if Roxas knew he would never be able to feel whole without his Other, it would motivate him to find that person. If Roxas knew, he would leave all that much sooner. So, instead, Axel just pressed his lips to the younger Nobody's forehead.

"Axel, who's Sora?" It was obvious that Roxas was getting annoyed with the pyrotechnic but Axel didn't care. They were only half-feelings anyways. False feelings. Feelings that barely counted. The only reason why they were there was because Roxas could still regain the ability to feel. And Roxas brought that sense of feeling to the other emotionless beings, no matter how much he denied it.

"I don't care what you say, Roxas. I love you. You give me the ability to feel and I love you. Don't leave me. Can you promise? Never leave me."

"I-I ..."

"Don't leave me."

Roxas sighed, turning over in the redhead's embrace, unable to see the closed emerald orbs. The redhead pressed their foreheads together and Roxas could tell that the elder Nobody was crying, something that should not have been possible for a being without the ability to feel emotion.

"Roxas, I don't need an Other. I have you."

-

The End

-

I like this one. So weird that I didn't have it focus on romance for once. Tell me what you think, kay?

"When Alpha boys have long since moved on to girls and sports, Betas will still be pursuing pyrotechnics well into adolence and sometimes beyond. Alpha Males may lead the armies of the world, but it's the Betas who actually get shit blowed up." - _A Dirty Job _

Christopher Moore

I never really wanted you to see this screwed up side of me that I keep locked inside of me so deep - _Cold_

_Crossfade_

~xbuttonsx~


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